october 2013

hi eyemeria.

it's been a long time right?apo kono entah.so much things to type here but suddenly when i just about to start,it just 'poof,tadaaaa'.blank.kind of embarassed of my life now.sometimes,i think why i become like this.is this fate or is it because of me?well,a friend said that 'musuh paling kuat adalah diri sendiri'.that is what my friend said and i think yeah,true.because sometimes i'm not strong enough to fight with myself. 'follow your heart' sometimes doesn't work for me if it's not together with 'think with your brain'.haha.if all the time pun nak ikut hati,seriously sekarang dah jadi lain.well,Allah maha mengetahui apa yang baik untuk kita.dulu masa kecik,aku ada plan aku sendiri tapi tak dapat lagi nak achieve.dulu plan baik punya siap ada time frame.umur berapa ada degree.umur berapa ada master.umur berapa ada phd.umur berapa kahwin.umur berapa kerja bagus dan gaji banyak.kelakar tapi actually,good to have that.aku patutnya ikut apa aku plan.tapi plan tak semestinya jadi,kan?bukannya kita tahu apa yang kita akan dapat di masa depan.

did i tell you that i already quit my job?did i tell you that i already stop teaching dance?did i tell you that i lost my external hard disc and all the things that has been saved in it  are my future??semua data dan tesis for my master dalam tu!!!i seriously lost my mind where i put it.i try to imagine and try to recall many times but still,cannot find it.memang rasa frustrated.sangat sangat sampai tak tahu macam mana nak cakap.menangis.rasa penat menangis.sebab before realize yang external hard disc hilang,dah banyak menangis untuk hal lain.hal yang remeh temeh tapi penting juga.hopefully akan jumpa jugak.lambat atau cepat itu kuasa Allah.dugaan datang satu persatu tapi ada satu hari terbaca 'dugaan yang Tuhan beri sebenarnya nak bagi kita kuat'. tak apa,aku cuba. bukan senang nak jadi kuat i mean kuat dalaman sebab kalau tengok luaran memang strong,tough kot.tapi dalaman?puii.masa nak berhenti kerja,fikir jugak nanti of course memang tak ada duit dan tak boleh nak spend sikit macam dulu.dan mesti akan susahkan abah lagi.tapi tak ada choice.memang kena buat decision for my own good.dan bila dah ready to focus on my study,the external hard disc pulak hilang and i have no back up.aku admit salah aku tak buat back up tapi memang tak expect akan jadi sebab benda tu memang sentiasa dengan aku,sentiasa bawak pergi mana-mana dan sentiasa nampak depan mata pun.well,itulah dugaan kan.

hopefully october will bring happiness to me.make me strong and show me the way to success.

just a reminder to myself --->>

aimi, fight for your life.be a good friend to yourself and love yourself even you love others so much.well,problems will be with you everyday but just be friend with it ok?be nice to it and hopefully it will be nice to you too and everything will be settled.just be strong.you have families and friends that always be with you and you have Allah to help you.usaha kuat lagi,jangan tangguh-tangguh.just do it!

thank you to share this with me.

aimi